The Lightless O.T

This blog is dedicated to my sweet li’l daughter who is 10weeks old as of today. This blog is about my delivery experience at the operation theatre.
Jan 14th 2011 was supposed to be my last day at work before I went on long leave but I worked the next week as well till Jan 21st 2011. As per my plans, I stayed at my native for a week as I wanted to relax and feel the difference before and after the baby was born. So the weekly checkup before going home looked good and fine. My stay at my native was fabulous and I enjoyed every moment and the very experience of being with my parents. On my return to Bangalore on Jan 29th 2011, I had the next appointment which was a turning point and less anticipated. The scan reports showed that my Amniotic fluid level had gone down by almost 50% the previous value and that I needed to deliver me within maximum of a week’s time. This came as a surprise to all of us and mostly a shock to me than anyone. I was very scared and not willing to accept the fact of my delivery being pre-poned by more than 20days. I started to weep crazily outside the hospital with my hubby feeling helpless about the situation. It took me nearly 2hrs to recover from that shock and start my mental preparation towards the delivery. There were too many things hanging and incomplete and above all I was just not ready for the delivery. I kept reminding myself of the unpreparedness feeling that I went through just before my wedding and tried to calm myself but in vain.
So there were two things to be done finally since the D-day was so close.
1. Decide the delivery date 2. Complete all other planned work @ home and office.
One of the incomplete tasks was going to office for my data backup. By the evening of Jan 30th after all family discussions, we decided that I would get admitted on Feb 2nd, Wednesday evening for my induced delivery on Feb 3rd, Thursday. Both Sunday and Monday was driven by the ‘Nesting instinct’ and am sure people went mad at me at home. I even went to office on Monday to feel complete about whatever I wanted to do. As my tummy was not really protruding, I barely felt that I was going to deliver that soon.
It felt like ‘end of world’ although a lot of people had shared their experiences and no matter what, I just could not connect myself to reality. I was totally de-railed and in my own world… depressed and only making my hubby wrong that he cares only about the baby and not me. I didn’t know how to express myself completely and that made it worse.
My nesting instinct found its end only on Wednesday just before we left. We left home with 3 kit bags and 2 other bags like going for a holiday. J And my FIL was telling me that he has never seen anyone prepare so much before.
@ the Hospital:
We reached the hospital at 8.30PM. We were told to have a donor ready whose blood had to be tested that night. If the blood was tested and found ok then the donor had to be present during the delivery to donate blood if required. We had asked Shyam, my rakhi Brother . Shyam was with us till 11PM till we were all set and ok at the hospital. The next morning was critical and I got instructions from the nurses that I was to be ready by 5AM so that I could be induced at 5.30AM for the 1st dose of Cyto tab. By then, I was all prepared to get induced the next morning.
Feb 3rd 2011:
We were ready as instructed by 5.30AM. I was given the 1st dose of cyto tab i.e., 100mg tablet in 100ml water with 1st and 2nd doses being 20ml and 3rd dose if required being 50ml. I was given the 1st dose and monitored for 2hrs for pains. There was no sign of any pain.7.30AM was my 2nd dose but still that did not show much progress. So they proceeded to give me the 3rdrd dose, I started developing false pains; the pain would vanish with change in position. The whole day we kept waiting for the pains to progress but it just would not budge.Later that night, Dr. Shilpa informed me that they would induce me with the same Cyto tab the next day as there were slight pains. dose of 50ml at 9.30AM. With the 3
Once again, the wait started and I kept cool although my hubby did not. Poor guy, I guess he was all worried after all that had happened in the last 8.5months, conversations, disempowering thoughts and what not! I was barely worried coz I first of all did not know what a contraction was and when I saw it through CTG, I felt that I could tolerate/ bear the pains. Oh, how dumb could I be!?!? :)) That was less than a trailer.
Feb 4th 2011:
Same thing repeats even on Friday. I was given the 3rd dose for the 2nd time. This time the contractions were better i.e., at least they appeared in all positions unlike the previous day. I kept myself busy reading “What to expect when you are expecting”, a book that I read right through my delivery and still reading about the postpartum phase. I recommend all expecting parents to read this book.
At 11.30AM, Dr. Lingegowda came to talk to us about the status. He advised us to wait for the delivery to occur naturally as everything seemed ideal for the baby and it is only that I had to develop more constant and stable contractions. We were more than happy to hear what the doctor said since we felt that they were sincerely doing their job. The doctor also asked me to stay calm and relaxed and not get worried about why I am not developing contractions even after 6doses.So the conclusion was that I would be put on Cytocin IV the next morning @ 4.30AM. Cytocin is the name for the oxytocin hormone for uterine contractions. Through IV this definitely should induce labor.
Now finally we knew that no matter what, I would deliver on Feb 5th2011 as they would put me on IV. So, I had requested for an early breakfast which my MIL was sweet to prepare and send it with my hubby.She had sent me idlis for breakfast. My mom too arrived that evening but we asked her to stay with my elder sister Sowmya’s house as it would be restful for her before the stress begins.
I felt that I wouldn’t be given a bath after the delivery for at least 2days and so I badly needed a shower. I felt like it’s a function @ home, some big event and felt like having a grand shower. I was instructed to be ready and report to the nurses by 5.30AM on Feb 5th morning.
I still had couple of pages from the 9th month chapter to read and then the ‘labor and delivery’ chapter from the book. It felt like an exam for me to complete reading at least those two chapters before delivery. So I pled my hubby to allow me to read for at least 20mins before the next day while he was asleep as he was exhausted roaming to get us food and other things all day.
I rushed through some of the important information and pages and felt complete by midnight before I fell asleep.
Feb 5th 2011:
Alarm went off at 3.30AM. We quickly woke up; I had my long awaited breakfast… idlis! J Had a grand shower and we sat for 15mins of meditation that my FIL had taught me 2days ago. It felt really good and energizing. I was finally all set and ready at 5.30AM and went inside one of the rooms in the OT accompanied by my hubby. First 30mins was the CTG, a fetal monitoring mechanism which shows the fetal movements, fetal heart beat and my contractions in 3 different graphs.Following that, my hubby was sent out and I was given Enema, this will empty the stomach and the bowel in just 2-5mins. People with Constipation would truly appreciate this invention. ;D
I was then given cyto through IV even before I realized what was happening and before Kowshik came in. From 6.20AM on, it was continuous observation and monitoring. I was still only developing about 40%-50% contractions but unstable. I was to take only fluids and no solids from the time IV was given. So occasionally, I was given a mouthful of water or juice till about 9.30AM, 3hrs from the time IV was given.
It was a Saturday the 5th Feb 2011; 2.5 days since I was induced for labor and nothing great seemed to happen until 9.30AM. Dr. Lingegowda walked in to inform us (my hubby, my mom and myself) that I am progressing towards a Cesarean section and that they would have to get started may be by 11-ish after two other operations. I was already tensed about the whole “Delivery” thing. Given a chance, I wanted to just elope from there. I was in a state that I neither wanted a normal delivery because I got a hint about how severe labor pains could be and nor did I want a C-section because of its after effects and it being an operation. It was really funny and which I could not tell or explain anyone. J
After that, my hubby totally got busy informing concerned people about the change in delivery plan. By the time we all realized, it was already 10AM and IV with Cyto was stopped as there was no point in inducing pains and I was put on normal drips with absolutely no fluid intake till the next 24hrs.
Even before all of us realized, my mom and hubby were asked to wait out. The nurses started preparing for my operation. By 10.40AM, everything had to be kept ready for the anesthetist and Dr. Sudha came in on time to give me epidural. I was really pleading her to give it really slow as I extremely fear injections and syringes. The doctor told me that she was scared to give me looking at the way I was behaving. J Soon Dr. Vidyamani also joined Dr. Sudha and they were both doing something that I could not make out because they asked me to sleep like a baby in the womb.
It was 11AM sharp and the door room opened into the operation theatre.I was very anxious and scared to death about the operation. As soon as I was taken inside the OT, all I saw was more people, nurses, doctors and helpers-both male and female, typical OT head light on top is all I evidently remember. I was uncomfortable with the men being around but of course I had no choice and sayJ. My first expression as I entered the OT was…. “Oh my God! Bhayanakavagide setup” (Setup isscary) and all the people in there burst out laughing hearing my expression. Soon I was shifted to another cot for the operation and even before I could realize what was happening, my hands were tied.Then, I really started getting worried and seeing my own position on the bed, I was asking the doctors if they would tie my legs as well for which they were again laughing and said ‘No’. I guess the anesthesia was so quick that by 11.10AM the doctors were ready to begin the operation. Then my imagination was telling me that the OT light outside would be Red like in movies J and my people waiting out would know that I’m being operated. On one side, I saw Dr. Lingegowda with a big knife (if I am right) and Dr. Vidyamani on the other side with some other instrument. Within seconds, Dr. Lingegowda was already cutting through me and they got on to work with the other nurses injecting some solutions to the IV etc. After couple of minutes, I saw that both the doctors were digging in my abdomen opening and that really freaked me out. I guess although anesthesia was totally working, because of the fear I started to feel the pain virtually and I started asking them too many questions from then on. After I while, I got worried as it was actually hurting and told them so.
The whole scene was like this… I was lying on the Operation table with my hands tied. Dr. Lingegowda and Dr. Vidyamani on my rear end and Dr.Sudha just behind my head. During the operation, I wanted to calm myself from what I saw and experienced. Dr. Sudha, anesthetist in her late 50s I guess, with a very pleasant and charming face was at my rescue. I requested Dr. Sudha to keep looking at her as I found her pleasant and charming and it really soothed me. She was more than happy and said that in the past 2-3 decades people hadn’t really appreciated her looks. This invoked a very jovial conversation in the OT with the doctors chatting and operating on me. And so I started looking at Dr. Sudha and I guess I was given a sedative and I had fallen asleep for about 10-15mins. Then all I remember is the baby directly put on my face after it was just scrubbed. I was surprised, Happy and so much of mixed emotions that tears rolled from my eyes and I kissed the baby on her cheek and wished her “Happy Birthday”. I even thanked the doctors probably because I thought that I would die J.After that my eyes were only following wherever the baby was taken inside the OT and barely concentrated on the operation. I was totally drowsy and I could feel the doctors wrapping up the operation. By 11.40AM the whole operation was done and I was taken out of the OT where I lay sleeping and after some time, I could see some of my closest friends… Shyam, his wife Sudha and Sindhu waiting to come and talk to me.
On the outside of the OT, my hubby and my mom (my in-law parents were still on their way) kept waiting unaware of if my operation had started or not as there were 2 other operations before mine. By 11.25AM I guess, the pediatrician showed the baby to both of them saying that the baby was born at 11.17AM. Later, I heard from my hubby that he was hadn’t expected that the operation would get over that soon.
I was still drowsy and barely remember the events till I was shifted to the ward. My head seemed heavy and I just slept whether I wanted or not. I had imagined that I would have my baby right next to me soon after the delivery. But I was not in a position to move and so I could get to see the baby only after some hours after delivery but could not hold her. My mom and hubby mostly took care of the baby after she came to the ward. It felt really nice after all this with family and friends visiting us at the hospital right from Feb 5th till I got discharged on Feb 9th. Never imagined that things would go this wonderfully smooth and it was possible only with the support of family and friends. After all I had to just deliverJ; rest all was taken care of on its own.
Only after 2 days did I realize that there was no Red light outside the OTJ. Although I had been visiting the OT earlier nearly 20times, this had gone out of my notice.
It has been 2months and more than a week since Avani, my baby was born and it has just been a totally wonderful, fantastic, WOW experience to be a Mother. I just can’t imagine what I would have missed not being a Mother. One glaring lesson from this whole experience is that, all the time we are scared to see something bigger, better, unusual and to experience even greater things – Fear of losing what is already there for something even better and greater!